Chapter 8: The Life and Death of Birds

They say history repeats itself. Boy were they ever right. Currently, we’ve got the 1920’s pandemic and the 1960’s race riots all at once. Sometimes I can hardly believe this is all actually happening and isn’t some kind of crazy dream. I do tend to have some crazy dreams. Like the one where Steven and I went to the baby store to buy another baby, because the last pregnancy was hell and I wasn’t about to go through that again but we (for whatever reason) wanted a fourth child. I told the kids about that dream, and now Jack actually thinks when you adopt a baby, you go to a baby store and buy it just like you would a puppy from a pet store or something. Hah.

              Anyway. This summer is still turning out to be pretty disappointing for Megan. Even though pools are allowed to be open, they for whatever reason are not open. Plus, camp was cancelled this summer, and that’s one of the only three times a year she gets to see her best friend, since she lives in another town. I sure hope next year is a better one. I’m pretty tired of this one.

              Another disappointment, this one for Steven and I. We had a hummingbird build a nest under our carport, and for a couple weeks we got such great joy watching this hummingbird. She even laid eggs and became a mommy. It was so amazing watching her endlessly darting off and bringing back food to the babies. This is not the disappointing part. What’s disappointing is that we recently had a big wind storm and ever since, we haven’t seen the mom around. You can see two little baby beaks poking up over the edge of the nest, but they never move so I’m pretty sure the babies died and the mom either died as well or abandoned the nest when the babies did. It makes me super sad. We still occasionally see a similar looking hummingbird, but I’m not sure it’s the same one, and we don’t see it as often; even though we had set up a hummingbird feeder under the carport.

Back when they were alive and well.

More clear shot of one of the babies.

              The kids had an eye appointment this morning. Turns out they both need glasses. Woopee. They’re both kind of excited, I guess since Steven and I both wear glasses? But I know this will get expensive. Right now, insurance covers them, but it won’t always. Jack just needs reading glasses, he’s a tad farsighted. Actually, the eye doctor almost didn’t even bother prescribing them, but since he did show signs of being slightly farsighted and I had mentioned he’s been resisting learning to read, he figured there was no harm in trying them out; since they’re covered by insurance anyway. Megan’s are more general, all-purpose glasses, and she’s nearsighted. Her vision really went downhill considerably over the last year. Jack picked out a red and black pair of frames and he thought they were pretty cool. Megan had a tough time deciding between a pink pair, a pink and purple pair, and a pink leopard print pair. She really liked them all, but finally decided on the leopard print ones.

Well, I guess that’s really about it. I haven’t been super good with keeping up with activities for the kids to do. I guess I just ran out of ideas and energy. But they’ve been occupying themselves decently, though not without complaint of “I’m bored!” or “I wish we could go swimming!” or something of the sort. But I suppose it could be worse, they eventually find something for themselves to do. I still feel a little guilty for not coming up with more activities. I really did mean to. Anywho, signing off for this week. As always, stay well (and safe!), my friends.

Chapter 7: Who Opened Pandora's Box?

Psst! Have you Met the Family yet?

Holy moly. Welcome to level six of Jumanji, I guess. Senseless murders, looting, rioting, destruction of property, and I think somewhere in there there’s still a pandemic going on. So if whoever opened Pandora’s box could kindly shut it now, that’d be great. Thanks.

              On the upside, we’re now in advanced phase 2 of reopening. (Most) restaurants are open for dine-in at 50% capacity, or something like that. Although as I found out, Taco Bell is not. After having spent 20 minutes in the stupid long drive-through line, I realized upon leaving that they hadn’t handed me the drinks. I had paid extra for two freezes, so I wasn’t about to let that money go to waste. I turned back around, only to find the drive-through line even longer than before. So I parked and attempted to go in, but found the lobby was closed. I ended up calling them and they brought the freezes out to me, so it all worked out, but it added probably another 15 or more minutes on to the total time. Oh well, it’s all done and we’ve eaten and enjoyed our freezes.

              On top of restaurants opening, churches are allowed 50% capacity (instead of just 50 people), so Mom and Dad are happy. And best of all? Public pools may now be open. The kids are thrilled (especially Megan), and I hope we will get a chance to go swimming soon. I’ve started babysitting my boss' niece, though, so it makes it harder to schedule things like that. But it helps with the income issue since I’ve been knocked down to 14 hours a week.

 I’m still pretty miffed about the way I’ve been treated at work after everything I did for them, but honestly, now was the absolute best time for it. Not only was it super easy to get on unemployment, but Mom hasn’t been feeling well (not Corona, don’t worry), so it’s allowed me the extra time I need to help take care of her.

So I guess in some ways, things are looking up. More and more of our usual fun activities are opening up and things are just starting to feel normal again, sometimes. I mean, there’s still the social distancing BS and the mask-wearing and whatnot, but at least we can go out to eat again. And go swimming; plus we can play in the brand-new wave pool they just built/opened. And there’s a new bike park that just opened, too. So all of that is pretty cool. I’m trying to stay positive amidst all the other madness going on right now.

It’s truly a tragedy what happened, but I can’t believe there are actually people out there who feel the appropriate action is more violence. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Neither do three or four, or hundreds. All it does is make you no better than the criminal who murdered poor Mr. Floyd. I can only imagine the heartache his family is experiencing right now, but do we really think they want their community—and their country—destroyed over it? I don’t think so. I know I wouldn’t. It’s not fixing anything, and it certainly won’t bring him back. The last thing I would want is more turmoil and stress to have to deal with on top of what I’m already dealing with, but I guess far too many people don’t see it that way.

But, what do I know. I certainly don’t know what it’s like to be black in America (or anywhere else). But I do know that peace is more pleasant than war. I do know that looting and destroying a store owned by someone who had nothing to do with what happened to Mr. Floyd makes no sense. I do know that there are even more people left jobless because of these riots; of both races. So what is this really accomplishing?

              Anyway, here we are entering level six of Jumanji. Brace yourselves, and as always; stay well, my friends.

Chapter 6: Maybe the Kids Aren't Alright

My heart is broken tonight. I can’t stop thinking about the night recently that Megan came to me in tears, saying how she’s so lonely. This quarantine business is really getting to her, and I want so bad to be able to fix it, but I just can’t. I don’t know what to do for my poor baby. And I know it’s not just her. Millions of children on the cusp of puberty (and even adults well past puberty) are suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts. This virus is killing people in more ways than just by infection. Depression is going to claim more lives during this time than infection, but what are we to do? Either we reopen and risk exposing the elderly and other high-risk people, or we don’t and we risk the lives of our children and other depression-battling people. We just can’t win.

              I myself have been struggling, too. It took longer to impact me, but even I have had my hours cut in half recently. I’m only working two days a week now, and left wondering how I’m going to provide for my family on just 14 hours a week. The first week off was the hardest. I felt so much anxiety, I didn’t know what to do. I’ve recently started getting back into art, and it’s helped some. But every time I think of our current situation and the entire situation, I feel so hopeless. This needs to end before it becomes so catastrophic we can’t recover.

Even the dog is exhausted

from being the emotional

support for a whole family.

Some of the art I've done recently.

              On a lighter note, Jack lost his first tooth the other day. He doesn’t believe in the tooth fairy, but he got a note and a dollar from her anyway. Even though he bit Steven in the process of getting it pulled. Despite that, it’s still a milestone and every child deserves a visit from the tooth fairy, whether they believe in her or not!

              And lastly, both kids (pretty much) finished another year of school! Megan actually still has some math to do, but she’s done with everything else, and with nothing but math to focus on, she should get through it pretty quickly. I just can’t believe one finished his first year of elementary and the other finished her last year of elementary. It blows my mind thinking I’ll have a middle-schooler next year. As far as Ronan, well he’s not in school yet, but he’s learned a new favorite word: “Wow!” And has also begun to support himself standing while holding onto furniture (although he still has trouble getting himself into a standing position, but he’ll stay standing if you stand him up next to something he can hold onto). These kids are just growing way too fast, and this year needs to start looking up soon so I don’t feel like it was just wasted time. The time I have with them is very precious and I want every minute to count!

Jack's home-made certificate of completion.

Megan's home-made certificate of completion.

              As always, stay well, my friends, and don’t give up. If you are also struggling with depression and thoughts of suicide, please seek help. National Suicide Hotline number: 1-800-273-8255 or text 741741.

Chapter 5: Regret

Well this last week has just flown by. Busy season has arrived at work, virus or no virus. Yet somehow they can’t quite find enough use for me to put me back to full-time like I was before maternity leave. Seems pretty skeevy to me, but whatever. They say it’s not related to the fact I went on maternity leave, but it’s awfully suspicious, don’t ya think? I’m trying to be okay with it; I keep reminding myself that the more time off work I have, the more time I have with the family. And I do really enjoy more time with the family. Unfortunately, the less time at work I spend, the less money I have to spend on family activities. It’s kind of a catch-22. I know you don’t have to spend lots of money in order to spend time with family, but it does make things more fun sometimes. I’m kind of running out of free and cheap activity ideas.

              Speaking of cheap, at least gas is still stupid cheap. I used my fuel points to fill up the car today (first time I’ve fueled up a car in over two weeks, and the last one I filled up was the van, not the car). Got my gas for 85 cents a gallon. Filled up to full from a quarter tank for less than $10. I don’t think I’ve ever seen gas that cheap in my life. Last time gas was that cheap was 1986, and even then it was actually a penny more, according to Google.

Ironically, the price matches the octane.

Seriously, when was the last time 

anyone saw that many gallons 

for that little money?!

              Back on the topic of activities. We haven’t done anything super exciting. We have gotten a lot of spring cleaning done. That makes me happy. In the process, we got my hope chest that I got from great-grandma cleaned off and I was able to open it up and reminisce on the contents. Inside, I found the bag of jewelry and earrings I inherited from my grandma when she passed away. I never have been much of a girly-girl, so I never really used the jewelry, and since I didn’t get my ears pierced until just a couple years ago, I never used any of the earrings either. However, I happen to have a daughter who is a very girly-girl, so I bestowed upon her the gift of the heirloom jewelry. She absolutely loved it, and is currently wearing some of the earrings. They look very nice on her and it’s really awesome seeing those earrings—which were some of Grandma’s favorites—being worn by her great-granddaughter. I think Grandma would approve.

              And on the topic of grandmas, and my great-grandma specifically, I sure do miss her. Well, I miss them both. But I’ve been thinking a lot about my great-grandma, maybe because a couple months ago marked the one-year anniversary of her death. But what I really can’t get out of my mind was how stupid I was for convincing myself we didn’t have time to go visit her last time we were in that area. We were right there, but because we were on a field trip I told myself we didn’t have time, we had to do xyz activity and log all this stuff for school. Honestly, what does any of that matter now? The museums are still there. The national parks are still there. My grandma is not. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for that. I know I had no way of knowing she’d be gone in almost exactly three years from then, but that doesn’t matter. I should have known I didn’t have much time left with her. Even at that time she was nearly 97. And deep down, I knew she wasn’t immortal, but I guess I didn’t want to think about mortality. She’d survived three strokes and fully recovered, so why should I worry? Stupid way of thinking, I know. I regret it every day. I’m really sorry, Grandma.

              Anyway, enough on that depressing subject. Although I guess I don’t really have anything more to write about tonight. Maybe this coming week will be more eventful. As always, stay well, my friends.

Chapter 4: The Kids Are Alright

Psst! Have you Met the Family yet?

Well I guess I’m fortunate enough to have work. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned it before, but I kind of wish I could have some time off. I’m getting really sick of it. My hours were cut when I returned from maternity leave, and they have yet to go back up, though April is normally the start of busy season. Stupid Corona (the virus, not the beer).

              Back in November, I started a work-from-home job captioning videos. Since my hours had been unexpectedly reduced, I figured this would be a way I could help keep us afloat. And it’s done alright. I wanted to maybe just quit my regular job and do this full time, but even work for this company has slowed down tremendously. I don’t think I would be able to make even close to what I’m making part-time at the place I'm at now. And what projects I do find to work on are 99% about the Coronavirus. Isn’t it amazing how such a miniscule organism can bring the entire world to its knees? Pinky and the Brain were doing it wrong all those years.

              Anyway, we’re still surviving, I guess. Work probably won’t be opening up the pool until July, which is quite unfortunate for poor Megan. She’s going bonkers not being able to go swimming. I really feel bad for her and all kids right now. Their entire worlds have just been turned on their heads, and I’m sure that’s utterly terrifying. But they’re troopers, and they’re making it through, one day at a time. I can only hope next year is better than this one, ‘cause I’m about ready to demand to speak to 2020’s manager and demand a full refund, in true Karen fashion.

              This week’s weather was pretty nice for the most part, though, with the exception of a couple of days here or there. We were able to get outside and have some fun. We did a scavenger hunt which was kind of a mix of for-fun and for-school. I hid a couple of stuffed animals in a toy treasure chest, then created a series of clues which took them on what was more or less a wild-goose chase through the neighborhood, as the treasure was hidden back home in our yard. But the point was more to have fun solving clues than anything. But before they could get their clues, they had to answer a question from each school subject. Once they answered the question, they would then get their clue which was in the form of a riddle that they had to solve. They had a ton of fun, but definitely facepalmed when they found out the treasure was essentially back where they started. I had a lot of fun with it, too.

              I’ve been seeing videos of people creating “sensory walks” for their kids and it reminded me of back when Megan was in kindergarten and struggling to learn to count by 5’s, I created a hopscotch-like game with chalk to help her learn it. Since Jack is now in kindergarten and struggling to learn how to count by 5’s, as well as needing a lot of practice reading, I decided to combine that game idea with the sensory walk idea to help reinforce the concept of counting by 5’s as well as reading and following directions. He did really well with it and I was really proud of him. Plus, he had a lot of fun with it, so that’s always a nice bonus. Even Megan had fun with it, even though it was far too easy for her. I thought about creating a similar one with a “blast through the past” theme to help her cement her social studies lessons in her brain, but I was so incredibly sore after making Jack’s, I could barely move for three days afterwards. I’m obviously not as young as I once was. But I did enjoy watching the kids have fun with it.

A nice day for learning to skip count.

              And I guess the last thing is the bittersweetness of the realization that my baby girl is growing up. I was in the middle of making lunch when I realized we were out of milk, which I needed for what I was making. I was going to run down the street to the convenience store and grab some, but at that moment, Ronan woke up and that plan was out the window; as he was demanding to be fed. Steven was working, so I was left with only two options: skip everyone’s lunch or send Megan to the store. It was a big, scary decision, but for the sake of all of the rest of our starving stomach’s, I decided to send her to the store. Surely it wouldn’t be too difficult to purchase a gallon of milk from around the corner, right?

              I was scared, I was nervous, and I second guessed myself every second she was gone. Is she capable? Will she know what to do if she has trouble finding the milk? Will she be able to carry it home? (She insisted she could). Will the cashier call the cops because this little girl is in the store by herself? (She may be 10 ½ , but she’s a very small 10 ½ who looks more like 7 or 8.) But, before I knew it, she was back home with not one, but two gallons of milk. I was impressed, mostly at the fact that this scrawny little girl carried two gallons of milk all the way home from the convenience store. That would have been uncomfortable even for me. I only asked for one, but she went above and beyond, which is great because we use a lot of milk. She apparently has noticed that. I guess the only thing I have to worry about now is whether she used her manners with the cashier or not. But I guess there’s still plenty of time to work on manners.

              Well, I suppose that’s all for this week. Things are beginning to reopen with restrictions, so some sense of normalcy is returning. Hopefully it won’t be long before we’re all back to normal and we can look back on this insanity and laugh. Stay well, my friends!

Chapter 3: Staying Sane?

As if grocery shopping weren’t enough of a drag as it is. Now they’ve got designated “one-way aisles”. Each aisle runs the opposite way from the aisle next to it. And somehow, I can never seem to end up on the right freaking side of any given aisle that I need. Add that onto the reduced store hours, and you’ve got crowded aisles of confused people, all trying to figure out how to get to the one item they need from this aisle or that aisle. I think these “social distancing” tactics are backfiring.

              Checkout is no better. Every other self-check station is closed. I get that’s so people aren’t standing too close to each other while checking out, but what do you think that does to the line? Right. Makes it longer. And since the stores haven’t grown any larger, people have to stand even closer to each other in line just so they don’t block the aisles. If you ask me, this social distancing BS is just a load of crap. Maybe it was started with good intentions, but the further they take it, the less effective it seems to be. I can’t wait to go back to staying home and avoiding people on my own terms.

              Anyway, we’re managing to stay sane. Megan misses swimming like crazy, but is hopeful she’ll still get to swim at some point this summer. Jack is just glad to still be able to play outside, when the weather isn’t bipolar. To further help keep them distracted, we’ve done a few activities. I drew some Pokemon tattoos on them with Sharpies one evening. My Pokemon drawing skills leave much to be desired, so their options were Jigglypuff or a Pokeball. Both chose Jigglypuff. It wasn’t perfect, but it was fun and they both loved them, so there’s that. I’m gonna have to hone my skills, ‘cause now they want more, haha.

Jack, the most jiggly Jigglypuff.

Megan, the slightly less jiggly Jigglypuff.

              Probably the most notable event was the drive-in theater. When we heard they were allowed to re-open,  we jumped at the chance to get out and do something that somewhat resembled normalcy. There are restrictions, sure; you have to call in your concession order and only one person at a time can pick up an order. You have to call to check availability of the restroom key and only one person can use it at a time, and it and the key have to be sanitized between uses. You don’t get to use a speaker box, instead you tune in on your radio. And, of course, you have to stay inside your vehicle; no sitting in truck beds or on blankets on the ground. But that’s alright, the kids had never been to a drive-in so it was fun to take them for the first time. We watched Sonic the Hedgehog and they loved it. Ronan got a little fussy during part of it, but he fell asleep pretty quickly and wasn’t too much trouble after that. He did wake up near the end and fussed for a little bit, but calmed down when he saw the screen. He was pretty entranced by that. It was late by the time we got home, as it was a 45-minute drive one way to the theater, but it was worth every minute. Hopefully we can go again another time.

              We aren’t the only ones finding ways to enjoy ourselves. The dog’s got a favorite squeaky toy, but we’ve had it put away for a very long time, because the incessant squeaking was driving us absolutely bonkers. But we finally decided to be nice and get it out for him. Oh. My. God. He has been the absolute happiest dog anyone has ever seen. He’s even made sure to keep the squeaking to a minimum this time; he does not want to lose that thing again! He’s been chewing it almost non-stop since we got it out, and even whining in joy (I guess like a human would cry tears of joy?) while chewing. He even taught himself to play fetch with it. We never really taught him to play fetch, but he just started doing it all on his own. He’d set the toy on my lap and look at me playfully until I, by reflex, threw it. He immediately chased after it, brought it back, set it on my lap, and the whole process would repeat until he was so exhausted he literally just plopped down on the floor instead of chasing it. As we speak, he is lying on the couch next to me, chewing and whining his joy-whine. It’s pretty adorable, actually. I never knew a dog could whine in joy. Ya learn something new every day, I guess.

Apollo, the whiniest happy dog you'll ever meet.

              Well, I guess that’s about it for this last week. We’re starting to learn how to navigate life in this crazy world we all live in nowadays. It’s not always fun nor is it easy, but we’ll get through it, I’m sure.

Chapter 2: Are We There Yet?

I have to say, all this pandemic crap is getting old. They want us to stay home, and do what? Spectrum’s channels have been blank for a month, and most shows haven’t aired new episodes in just as long. Although, a new episode of Nancy Drew did record on Wednesday. But that’s the first one in forever. I’ve tried contacting Spectrum via chat to find out what’s up and point out the fact that if we’re not receiving the service we’re paying for, there’s no point in us paying. I waited on hold for two hours the first night, and for three hours the next. I never did get through, but I did get down to 88 bottles of beer on the wall, typing it out line by line. I gave up after that, haven’t tried again since. I’m afraid to try calling, who knows how long I’d be on hold there and I just don’t have time for that BS.

Waited for another hour after this point.

              I stayed up so late that night trying to get through to Spectrum that I was essentially a zombie the next day. We had to make a trip to Walmart for some supplies to rescue poor Jack’s last remaining fish from suffering the same tragic fate as the other two. He meant well, but didn’t realize the dire consequences of overfeeding fish. But hey, he’s six, what do you expect? Also, Megan needed new shoes because wouldn’t you know it, her feet decided to grow for the first time in two years. Anyway, we got in, got our stuff, and got out, somehow without losing Jack. He seemed to want to take this social distancing stuff to a whole new level; lagged behind the whole time. We finally made it back out to the van. I buckled the baby in the back, put the stroller in the trunk, and got in the passenger seat (Steven was driving). I flailed around for my seatbelt, but to no avail. Finally, I looked behind me and realized I had buckled Ronan’s car seat in using my seatbelt. Doh.

              It would have been so much easier if Steven could have gone to the store himself the night before, during hours when nobody would normally be out shopping anyway. But these stores don’t seem to understand the concept of social distancing and would rather limit the hours people can shop so that everyone has to go at the same time and create larger crowds of people all at once, essentially rendering social distancing impossible. Whatever, I guess. Long story short, it’s all getting old very quickly and I’m ready to be done with it.